Every serious company has terms and conditions. We have a stick and access to a keyboard.
The Product
Shit Helper™ is a stick. A very nice stick, with a certificate and everything, but a stick nonetheless.
It does not solve problems. It gives you something solid to hold while you solve them yourself.
No Guarantee of a Better World
We cannot promise less bureaucracy, smarter politicians, or meetings that should have been emails.
We can promise that none of those things were improved by us writing a longer paragraph.
Intended Use
Hold firmly. Use common sense. Repeat as the world requires.
Holding the stick does not make you qualified to run a country. Neither, apparently, does anything else.
Your Responsibilities
You remain responsible for your decisions, your behaviour, and whatever you just posted on the internet.
The stick was there. It was not involved.
Our Responsibilities
Take the product seriously. Take ourselves less seriously.
Make something real, pack it properly, and send you what you ordered. Even satire should arrive in good condition.
Governing Law
These useless terms are governed by common sense.
In the event of a shortage, please hold your stick and wait. A committee has been formed.
The Actual Serious Bit
This page is satire. It does not replace our Terms of Sale or affect your consumer rights.
For actual information about orders, delivery, returns, and your rights, please read our Terms of Sale.
Those terms do useful things. We apologise for the inconsistency.